Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
