Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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