i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
