He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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