Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
