I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
