Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
