I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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