I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
