He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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