Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
