I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When are your genitals available?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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