When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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