the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hippo gnu deer
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
