Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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