you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
