Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
40s are totally the cure
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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