Your face is a jimmy john
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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