I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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