I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
