no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
