I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
