Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
