You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
