Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
