Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
