the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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