I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
