"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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