Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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