Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.

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(914): View more from New York

Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.

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(434): View more from Virginia

he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him

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(218): View more from Minnesota

he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.

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(765): View more from Indiana

It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?

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