if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
