I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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