I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
