I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
