So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
