2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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