What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
high people should be assigned attendants
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I will pee on everything he values.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
