Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
