I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
