so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
