***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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