they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
