When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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