I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
