paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
