I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
