I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
