I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
