Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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