I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
