long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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