why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
