Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
