I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Welp...herpes.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize