so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
