theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
