I like to think it a success when the cops are called
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
two words: eviction party
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
