I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
